Have you ever felt a longing when you are driving down the road through a wooded area? One that makes you feel called to just get out and explore, hike, or just take a break for a bit?
Man I can say that this happens to me A LOT! There are many times that I'll be driving down to where I conduct business and I will hit an area that is wooded, and I can see the trail heads that lead to unknown destinations. Sometimes I think to myself I should blow off the day, park the truck, and head down one of the trails. Then reality sets in that I don't have the time to do that and in the long run it would cost me whatever money I would make that day.
Has this same sort of scenario happened to you before? What decision did you make? Did you stop the car and explore or did you let work take the precedence?
I feel like every time I do not answer this call into the wilderness I end up missing out on some great adventure, or possibly even a chance to grow closer to God. It seems that so many times we miss an opportunity to just get out and enjoy what God has created, most of our life spent inside a car, building, or other enclosed spaces. We allow the busyness of life to slowly strip away our life, and let's face it, so often it leaves us feeling drained and alone.
Now let me take it a step further and ask this question. Are we called into the wilderness because it gives us such an awesome opportunity to just slow down, focus, and pray so that we can be refilled by God?
Luke 5:15-16 is such an awesome example of this "But despite Jesus' instructions, the report of his power spread even faster, and vast crowds came to hear him preach and to be healed of their diseases. But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer." We may not be performing miracles and wonders, but we are living breathing humans who have a reliance on God and our best way to communicate with Him is through prayer and reading His word. I would venture to say that being Jesus was human (and God) his body and mind would grow tired and weary with the daily teaching and healing of people. I am sure there were times that he needed to just get away so he could focus and be refilled by his father.
So what would make us think that we are any different when it comes to the need for time with God? Yes we can attend church and we can attend groups, but many times we need time alone, time that can be used to reflect in the silence that surrounds us. Is it a little strange the first few times you do it? Oh man, yea it can be. Your mind likes to make you think that there are things moving around you, even when they aren't. Your fears for some reason have a way of becoming heightened making you a little more aware of everything going on around you. Yet once the fear calms and you become focused on the beauty that is around you a sense of calm and wonder begins to take over.
One of my all time best memories of this happened some years ago. My best friend and I (along with a couple other men) went backpacking in the second and third recesses in the Sierra Nevadas. For 5 days we would hike to a stopping point, set up camp, fish for our dinner, and then just enjoy the amazingly clear night sky that was above us. One of the days that we were out backpacking we saw that there was a storm headed in so we hunkered down early, which left a lot of "free time". A couple of the guys went out to explore the are that was around us, and my buddy went up to a lake that was just over the next hill. I stayed behind and hung out with the gear, setup my hammock and enjoyed the quiet. I can remember staring up at the clouds above and watching them with the ebb and flow that storm clouds have, thinking to myself how awesome God is that he could create all of this from nothing. I felt tears well up as I began to think of just how small I was, and how I allowed sin to continually rule my life, I felt a calling. Without that time alone I am not sure how long it would have taken for me to hear that calling, and really what saddens me is that it took me so long to begin acting on that calling (nearly 12 years).
I believe that we were made to enjoy God's creation, to spend time out in the wilderness that is around us. To listen without distraction from the outside world. Often we make excuses for why we can't take the little bit of time needed to do it (I know I do). Yet if we would just schedule that time in, make it a priority, and act on it, then I believe that we could and would see massive changes in our view of how we spend our time. We have a need to be filled by God, and our hearts yearn to hear him, even when we have strayed away from Him.
John 7:38 "Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, 'Rivers of living water will flow from his heart'."
We are called to come and drink! Let us head into the wilderness and find time to focus and be refilled by God!
Monday, November 25, 2019
Monday, November 18, 2019
Why the name Faithful Fit Dad?
Earlier this year I was unhappy, despite putting on a smile there were several things that I was unhappy about. One of those things I covered in a past post, another was my weight and how out of shape I was. I mean seriously guys, I got winded running 2 feet after my youngest son. Yes, I am getting older (but I am still young at heart), but that's not an excuse to be in the shape that I was in.
Running a full time small business (literally just me for the most part) that eats up many many hours each day, I was tired, stretched thin, irritable, unable to 100% focus. Part of that was due to the distraction that my addiction created in my mind, part of it was the amount of time put in working, part was trying to balance family time, and a good bit of it was the fact that I was at my heaviest weight (which caused a lack in energy and overall focus). It is amazing how our physical fitness can have such an affect on our overall well-being, our ability to focus on our families, and feeling like we just can't handle anymore but the waves just keep coming. I personally felt very disconnected because I lacked the energy to really play with my kids, and because of that disconnect, I literally sank deeper and deeper into my recliner and hunkered down to watch more TV, which wasted more precious time that I could have been spending with my kids.
Back in April of this year (2019) my wife began her own fitness journey, and as I watched her becoming more healthy and fit, I thought to myself, "There's no way I'm going to let her get skinny and I am going to stay the way I am". Matter of fact guys, I told her that, straight faced no lie. So in June I started to make the time to work on my physical fitness. Now here's the thing, studies say that it takes 66 days to make a new habit automatic, 66 DAYS. That's 66 days of getting up and committing to yourself that you are going to choose to work out, you are going to do something better for not only yourself but for your family. Here I am today, 4 months of making the concentrated effort to become healthier so that I can be my best self for my kids. It wasn't easy, and I am still not where I want to be and I still slip up on the choices I make with the foods that I put into my body, but I FEEL so much better and one of the best parts? I can keep up with my kids without feeling winded.
Now when I was starting this blog I was thinking of what I could name it. I realized that my journey into becoming a better Disciple, Husband, and Father is also a thing of fitness. Yes, it is not physical, but spiritual fitness, and that was when Faithful Fit Dad popped into my head. As with my physical fitness at the beginning of this year, my spiritual fitness was severely lacking, I had not been spending time in God's Word, and honestly we hadn't stepped foot into a Church until April when the campus we now attend opened it's doors. I was emaciated spiritually, I was not reading the Bible, I was entangled in habitual sin, and I definitely was not being a leader for my wife and kids.
One thing that I have found in becoming physically fit is that I have found loads more focus that I can use to read the Bible and other books that are written by fellow Christians. I have been able, recently, to use the discipline from my fitness journey to reprioritize other aspects of my life, and have more of a laser focus on the things that I should focus on. As I said about my physical fitness, I am not where I want to be yet, but daily I am moving closer and growing more towards the man that God has called me to be.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."
Paul tells us that we should run with focus, discipline our bodies so that we may keep them under control. He calls us to be stewards of both our bodies and spirit so that we may obtain the prize. What things need to change in your life? Where do you need to put your focus? What things do you need to do to train yourself for this race and get yourself ready to win the ultimate prize?
Running a full time small business (literally just me for the most part) that eats up many many hours each day, I was tired, stretched thin, irritable, unable to 100% focus. Part of that was due to the distraction that my addiction created in my mind, part of it was the amount of time put in working, part was trying to balance family time, and a good bit of it was the fact that I was at my heaviest weight (which caused a lack in energy and overall focus). It is amazing how our physical fitness can have such an affect on our overall well-being, our ability to focus on our families, and feeling like we just can't handle anymore but the waves just keep coming. I personally felt very disconnected because I lacked the energy to really play with my kids, and because of that disconnect, I literally sank deeper and deeper into my recliner and hunkered down to watch more TV, which wasted more precious time that I could have been spending with my kids.
Back in April of this year (2019) my wife began her own fitness journey, and as I watched her becoming more healthy and fit, I thought to myself, "There's no way I'm going to let her get skinny and I am going to stay the way I am". Matter of fact guys, I told her that, straight faced no lie. So in June I started to make the time to work on my physical fitness. Now here's the thing, studies say that it takes 66 days to make a new habit automatic, 66 DAYS. That's 66 days of getting up and committing to yourself that you are going to choose to work out, you are going to do something better for not only yourself but for your family. Here I am today, 4 months of making the concentrated effort to become healthier so that I can be my best self for my kids. It wasn't easy, and I am still not where I want to be and I still slip up on the choices I make with the foods that I put into my body, but I FEEL so much better and one of the best parts? I can keep up with my kids without feeling winded.
Now when I was starting this blog I was thinking of what I could name it. I realized that my journey into becoming a better Disciple, Husband, and Father is also a thing of fitness. Yes, it is not physical, but spiritual fitness, and that was when Faithful Fit Dad popped into my head. As with my physical fitness at the beginning of this year, my spiritual fitness was severely lacking, I had not been spending time in God's Word, and honestly we hadn't stepped foot into a Church until April when the campus we now attend opened it's doors. I was emaciated spiritually, I was not reading the Bible, I was entangled in habitual sin, and I definitely was not being a leader for my wife and kids.
One thing that I have found in becoming physically fit is that I have found loads more focus that I can use to read the Bible and other books that are written by fellow Christians. I have been able, recently, to use the discipline from my fitness journey to reprioritize other aspects of my life, and have more of a laser focus on the things that I should focus on. As I said about my physical fitness, I am not where I want to be yet, but daily I am moving closer and growing more towards the man that God has called me to be.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."
Paul tells us that we should run with focus, discipline our bodies so that we may keep them under control. He calls us to be stewards of both our bodies and spirit so that we may obtain the prize. What things need to change in your life? Where do you need to put your focus? What things do you need to do to train yourself for this race and get yourself ready to win the ultimate prize?
Thursday, November 14, 2019
What do I mean by Generational Sin?
In one of my recent posts I mentioned generational sin, and a very good friend of mine brought up a great question about what I meant by that. His concern was that I was inferring that we are essentially passed down sin from our parents (iniquity passed down generation to generation). That would be far against what I (and my friend) believe, which is that we are saved by the sacrifice that Christ gave upon the cross; He sacrificed himself to take away our sins (1 John 4:10). So, I figured I would take this post to explain exactly what I mean by generational sin.
We humans struggle with a great many things, and when we become a Christian it does not become any easier, however there is never a struggle that God has not provided us a way out of (1 Cor 10:13). Sometimes we may not see that out, or it may take us several times to recognize the out that God is providing for us. When we get stuck in a cycle of sin, sometimes we relent to it and become stuck in that cycle, there are many reasons that this can happen especially when we stray from reading the Bible, meditating on the Word, and praying. This cycle is what I meant when I referred to generational sin. Now stick with me because I am afraid this won't make a ton of sense at first but hopefully when you are finished reading this you will get where I am headed with this.
When I speak of generational sin I mean something that we as dads/parents struggle with (this could be anything) and we are unwilling to break the cycle of (or possibly it is broken well after our children are grown up) and in our unwillingness to break this cycle we unintentionally bleed our habits or struggles into our children lives. Also, in our being the stewards and leaders of our families, when we struggle with something we tend to try and keep it hidden, and instead of teaching our children what God has to say about it we do not teach them to discern right and wrong, in turn giving them a "recipe" or a generational issue/habit.
One example I can use from my own life is that I was never really taught by my parents that pornography was wrong, matter of fact I know (because I found it) that there were tapes in the home, so despite the feelings that I had deep down in my heart, I assumed that there really wasn't that much wrong with it. This is something that followed me for decades, and being that I was a teenager when the internet first became mainstream it just made it that much easier to have access to, making it seem as though it was something acceptable. Now this is just assumption, but I believe that if my dad had sat me down and had a long talk with me about the things he struggled with and warned me of the dangers of how the addiction could take over my life, while giving me a Biblical foundation on it, I would have been more apt to stay far away from it. This was something that never happened. I do not blame my parents for my actions, because they were of my own doing, however I do believe that we as parents have an obligation to teach our children God's Word, and we are to "bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." Eph 6:4
One of the biggest mistakes that we make as parents is living a double edged life, we teach our children vocally to do one thing, but then we teach them quite the opposite through our actions. We have an obligation to be active teachers by both words and actions, do as I say and do as I do. I personally cannot count the number of times that I told my children they needed to cut the amount of time that they were spending in front of a screen, only to sit down in my chair and then waste countless amounts of time mindlessly scrolling through my phone, or binge watching a TV show, and you know what? I never thought much about that until recently, because that was something that I had seen as an example from my own father. I would tell my oldest that he needed to spend more time reading, but I wasn't setting the example to him, and instead he would follow my lead (do as I do). I can honestly go on and on about the examples that we have all had in our lives where we were told that we should do one thing and then our example was the complete opposite. The worst part is that unless we break this cycle of the habits that we have had examples of, we will pass down those bad habits to our children.
We, as parents, must teach our children. One thing that we have recently implemented in our household is nightly Bible study. We have been using "Our 24 Family Ways" by Clay Clarkson. Are our nightly readings perfect? Of course not, we have a 9, 5, and 3 year old. Matter of fact it has been a great test of my patience (you dads/parents with younger kids know what I mean), because there is complete and utter chaos the entire time, but here's the thing - it is establishing a good habit and is getting my kids to think more about what the scripture has to say. Another thing that I have been making the conscious effort to do is to make sure that my kids see me reading the Bible and making highlights or notes, I want them to understand just how important spending time in God's Word is. My wife and I have also been making a much more concentrated effort to set our phones down and be intentional with our time with our kids, are we perfect at it? Nope, but our kids are noticing the difference and they are feeding and growing off of it. Remember you are not perfect, and if there can be chaos there will be chaos, but when you make the effort your kids will notice and they will truly appreciate it.
Hopefully this post brings some clarity to what I meant in my previous one. I also pray that it made you think a little bit about how our actions as dads/parents can have an affect on our children. We are the front line in battling for our children's hearts, and when we truly focus on raising them to be lovers of Christ, and we equip them with God's Word, we are doing what we have been called to do as stewards for our blessings.
We humans struggle with a great many things, and when we become a Christian it does not become any easier, however there is never a struggle that God has not provided us a way out of (1 Cor 10:13). Sometimes we may not see that out, or it may take us several times to recognize the out that God is providing for us. When we get stuck in a cycle of sin, sometimes we relent to it and become stuck in that cycle, there are many reasons that this can happen especially when we stray from reading the Bible, meditating on the Word, and praying. This cycle is what I meant when I referred to generational sin. Now stick with me because I am afraid this won't make a ton of sense at first but hopefully when you are finished reading this you will get where I am headed with this.
When I speak of generational sin I mean something that we as dads/parents struggle with (this could be anything) and we are unwilling to break the cycle of (or possibly it is broken well after our children are grown up) and in our unwillingness to break this cycle we unintentionally bleed our habits or struggles into our children lives. Also, in our being the stewards and leaders of our families, when we struggle with something we tend to try and keep it hidden, and instead of teaching our children what God has to say about it we do not teach them to discern right and wrong, in turn giving them a "recipe" or a generational issue/habit.
One example I can use from my own life is that I was never really taught by my parents that pornography was wrong, matter of fact I know (because I found it) that there were tapes in the home, so despite the feelings that I had deep down in my heart, I assumed that there really wasn't that much wrong with it. This is something that followed me for decades, and being that I was a teenager when the internet first became mainstream it just made it that much easier to have access to, making it seem as though it was something acceptable. Now this is just assumption, but I believe that if my dad had sat me down and had a long talk with me about the things he struggled with and warned me of the dangers of how the addiction could take over my life, while giving me a Biblical foundation on it, I would have been more apt to stay far away from it. This was something that never happened. I do not blame my parents for my actions, because they were of my own doing, however I do believe that we as parents have an obligation to teach our children God's Word, and we are to "bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." Eph 6:4
One of the biggest mistakes that we make as parents is living a double edged life, we teach our children vocally to do one thing, but then we teach them quite the opposite through our actions. We have an obligation to be active teachers by both words and actions, do as I say and do as I do. I personally cannot count the number of times that I told my children they needed to cut the amount of time that they were spending in front of a screen, only to sit down in my chair and then waste countless amounts of time mindlessly scrolling through my phone, or binge watching a TV show, and you know what? I never thought much about that until recently, because that was something that I had seen as an example from my own father. I would tell my oldest that he needed to spend more time reading, but I wasn't setting the example to him, and instead he would follow my lead (do as I do). I can honestly go on and on about the examples that we have all had in our lives where we were told that we should do one thing and then our example was the complete opposite. The worst part is that unless we break this cycle of the habits that we have had examples of, we will pass down those bad habits to our children.
We, as parents, must teach our children. One thing that we have recently implemented in our household is nightly Bible study. We have been using "Our 24 Family Ways" by Clay Clarkson. Are our nightly readings perfect? Of course not, we have a 9, 5, and 3 year old. Matter of fact it has been a great test of my patience (you dads/parents with younger kids know what I mean), because there is complete and utter chaos the entire time, but here's the thing - it is establishing a good habit and is getting my kids to think more about what the scripture has to say. Another thing that I have been making the conscious effort to do is to make sure that my kids see me reading the Bible and making highlights or notes, I want them to understand just how important spending time in God's Word is. My wife and I have also been making a much more concentrated effort to set our phones down and be intentional with our time with our kids, are we perfect at it? Nope, but our kids are noticing the difference and they are feeding and growing off of it. Remember you are not perfect, and if there can be chaos there will be chaos, but when you make the effort your kids will notice and they will truly appreciate it.
Hopefully this post brings some clarity to what I meant in my previous one. I also pray that it made you think a little bit about how our actions as dads/parents can have an affect on our children. We are the front line in battling for our children's hearts, and when we truly focus on raising them to be lovers of Christ, and we equip them with God's Word, we are doing what we have been called to do as stewards for our blessings.
Monday, November 11, 2019
Where do you go from here?
"You already know these things, dear friends. So be on guard; then you will not be carried away by the errors of these wicked people and lose your own secure footing. Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 3:17-18
So the question I asked myself once I brought my sin to light with my wife the other night was "Where do you go from here?". Ultimately how do I protect myself from allowing myself to once again be yoked by the sin that had for so many years had control over me? How do we all protect ourselves from falling back into the sin that once controlled our lives and live with ultimate defeat over it?
Ephesians 6:10-18 gives us an excellent guide to what we should be doing, and for me with my new found freedom it holds much more dear to my heart than it had before. It has truly taken on new meaning as I sit here and read through it again tonight while I type this new post up. The fact that Paul takes the opportunity to point out that it is not flesh and blood enemies that we are up against, but evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, along with evil spirits in the heavenly places, guys this isn't something we come face to face with in the physical sense; instead it is something much darker that wants to destroy every good part of us that there is. The devil wants to destroy the thing that God loves, and in that destruction cause as much collateral damage as possible. That is why the devil goes after marriages, after our thoughts, after our passiveness (and uses that to further destroy), when we as men do not stand and fight we allow for darkness to seep in and destroy.
I can't remember which podcast it was that I was listening to recently (maybe the Pursuit of Manliness) but he mentioned that when we allow ourselves to remain in generational sin and we do not break it, then it will be handed down like a family recipe to our children. Talk about a smack across the face! Talk about bringing shame to the forefront of your mind. The choices that we make to allow ourselves continued living in the same habitual sins, allows that sin to seep into our children's lives, and their children's lives and beyond. I know for me I want to break this downline, it ends now, I will not allow it to seep into the lives of my children. Instead my wife and I will make every effort to raise our children to put on the armor of God, and to guard their hearts against the attacks of the enemy. We will make it known to them the damage that sexual immorality can cause, and we will arm them to do battle against it so that they can walk in purity. Truthfully this is something I wish I had been taught, and warned about. Sure I got the "sex before marriage is bad" talk but there wasn't much substance to it, and I allowed myself to fall in to the trap when I was old enough to make my own decisions. I had not received the tools (armor) necessary to truly understand the importance of purity, but instead sought out the things of impurity, and the damage that I suffered has followed me since.
We have to switch our thought process from one that is passive (the thinking that we can just float through life and not put much into the fight because we feel so defeated), to one of a warrior (keeping our head on a swivel, always remaining alert to the temptations that so often before we let lead us to sin). Donning the armor of God is something that we have to intentionally do, spending time in the Word and listening to God's voice through His Word is something that we must do daily and with intentionality. We must create a solid foundation to stand on, one that will withstand the test of time and the continual attacks from the enemy.
"Stay Alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are." 1 Peter 5:8-9. Here we receive instruction that we NEED to stay alert, because the devil is continually looking for us to drop our guard, for a moment of weakness that can drag us back down into the shame and sin that we are fighting against. So what steps do you need to take to constantly be alert? Do you know your triggers? Are there certain times where you more easily fell to the temptation?
Here are a few of the guard rails my wife and I have put into place, hopefully these will be a starting place for those of you reading this that do not have something in place yet.
1: READ THE BIBLE! Seriously one of the biggest things that I should have been doing for the past few decades was something that I wasn't doing. I wasn't spending time reading God's Word, I wasn't arming myself with His truths. Instead I would waste hours and hours watching TV shows (not that watching TV is bad) and allowing what I was watching to mould me.
2: Read books by other Christian men who have gone through the same struggles, learn from them. God has a way of speaking to your heart through these men. At some point I will compile a list of some of the books that I have been reading.
3: Get yourself involved with a community of men, real men who won't have an issue with calling you on the carpet when you need to be, men who are Godly. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 encourages us to have brothers around us that can lift us up when we are down, and battle side by side with us.
4: I have a web filter on my phone, and the only person with the password to disable it is my wife. This gives me the constant reminder that I am in a fight, and it is a fight that I do not want to lose. Matter of fact I don't want to have to come to my wife again with a confession that I went and screwed up, I can't take seeing the hurt in her eyes again.
5: I am making a conscious effort to not have my phone on me all the time, it had become it's own addiction and a constant distraction from the more important things in life.
6: For me a big trigger was staying up way past the time that my wife and kids went to sleep, it was a sin of opportunity at that point because there was nobody around and I was bored. Top that off with mindlessly watching TV and scrolling the internet and you have a recipe for failure. So now I make the effort to finish up what needs to be finished so that I can go to bed the same time that my wife does.
There are several other guard rails that are being put into place but I wanted to give you just a few to start with. Remember that this is not a battle that can be handled alone, life cannot be done alone, God recognized this at creation when He made Eve to be the helper of Adam. The writer of Ecclesiastes knew this also, Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.", Luke 10:1 "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go." and there are many other verses that let us know just how important battle buddies are. So with that said, find those brothers that will stand beside you, who are willing to get bloody with you, and are going to be there for you when you need them most!
So the question I asked myself once I brought my sin to light with my wife the other night was "Where do you go from here?". Ultimately how do I protect myself from allowing myself to once again be yoked by the sin that had for so many years had control over me? How do we all protect ourselves from falling back into the sin that once controlled our lives and live with ultimate defeat over it?
Ephesians 6:10-18 gives us an excellent guide to what we should be doing, and for me with my new found freedom it holds much more dear to my heart than it had before. It has truly taken on new meaning as I sit here and read through it again tonight while I type this new post up. The fact that Paul takes the opportunity to point out that it is not flesh and blood enemies that we are up against, but evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, along with evil spirits in the heavenly places, guys this isn't something we come face to face with in the physical sense; instead it is something much darker that wants to destroy every good part of us that there is. The devil wants to destroy the thing that God loves, and in that destruction cause as much collateral damage as possible. That is why the devil goes after marriages, after our thoughts, after our passiveness (and uses that to further destroy), when we as men do not stand and fight we allow for darkness to seep in and destroy.
I can't remember which podcast it was that I was listening to recently (maybe the Pursuit of Manliness) but he mentioned that when we allow ourselves to remain in generational sin and we do not break it, then it will be handed down like a family recipe to our children. Talk about a smack across the face! Talk about bringing shame to the forefront of your mind. The choices that we make to allow ourselves continued living in the same habitual sins, allows that sin to seep into our children's lives, and their children's lives and beyond. I know for me I want to break this downline, it ends now, I will not allow it to seep into the lives of my children. Instead my wife and I will make every effort to raise our children to put on the armor of God, and to guard their hearts against the attacks of the enemy. We will make it known to them the damage that sexual immorality can cause, and we will arm them to do battle against it so that they can walk in purity. Truthfully this is something I wish I had been taught, and warned about. Sure I got the "sex before marriage is bad" talk but there wasn't much substance to it, and I allowed myself to fall in to the trap when I was old enough to make my own decisions. I had not received the tools (armor) necessary to truly understand the importance of purity, but instead sought out the things of impurity, and the damage that I suffered has followed me since.
We have to switch our thought process from one that is passive (the thinking that we can just float through life and not put much into the fight because we feel so defeated), to one of a warrior (keeping our head on a swivel, always remaining alert to the temptations that so often before we let lead us to sin). Donning the armor of God is something that we have to intentionally do, spending time in the Word and listening to God's voice through His Word is something that we must do daily and with intentionality. We must create a solid foundation to stand on, one that will withstand the test of time and the continual attacks from the enemy.
"Stay Alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are." 1 Peter 5:8-9. Here we receive instruction that we NEED to stay alert, because the devil is continually looking for us to drop our guard, for a moment of weakness that can drag us back down into the shame and sin that we are fighting against. So what steps do you need to take to constantly be alert? Do you know your triggers? Are there certain times where you more easily fell to the temptation?
Here are a few of the guard rails my wife and I have put into place, hopefully these will be a starting place for those of you reading this that do not have something in place yet.
1: READ THE BIBLE! Seriously one of the biggest things that I should have been doing for the past few decades was something that I wasn't doing. I wasn't spending time reading God's Word, I wasn't arming myself with His truths. Instead I would waste hours and hours watching TV shows (not that watching TV is bad) and allowing what I was watching to mould me.
2: Read books by other Christian men who have gone through the same struggles, learn from them. God has a way of speaking to your heart through these men. At some point I will compile a list of some of the books that I have been reading.
3: Get yourself involved with a community of men, real men who won't have an issue with calling you on the carpet when you need to be, men who are Godly. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 encourages us to have brothers around us that can lift us up when we are down, and battle side by side with us.
4: I have a web filter on my phone, and the only person with the password to disable it is my wife. This gives me the constant reminder that I am in a fight, and it is a fight that I do not want to lose. Matter of fact I don't want to have to come to my wife again with a confession that I went and screwed up, I can't take seeing the hurt in her eyes again.
5: I am making a conscious effort to not have my phone on me all the time, it had become it's own addiction and a constant distraction from the more important things in life.
6: For me a big trigger was staying up way past the time that my wife and kids went to sleep, it was a sin of opportunity at that point because there was nobody around and I was bored. Top that off with mindlessly watching TV and scrolling the internet and you have a recipe for failure. So now I make the effort to finish up what needs to be finished so that I can go to bed the same time that my wife does.
There are several other guard rails that are being put into place but I wanted to give you just a few to start with. Remember that this is not a battle that can be handled alone, life cannot be done alone, God recognized this at creation when He made Eve to be the helper of Adam. The writer of Ecclesiastes knew this also, Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.", Luke 10:1 "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go." and there are many other verses that let us know just how important battle buddies are. So with that said, find those brothers that will stand beside you, who are willing to get bloody with you, and are going to be there for you when you need them most!
Friday, November 8, 2019
What are you running from?
For years I have been trapped (by choice, even though I knew it was wrong) by the same habitual sin, it felt like no matter what I tried to do I was stuck. It's a life draining, joy stealing, marriage destroying sin that seems to be a plight to so many people from all walks of life.
I am sure you figured out exactly what habitual sin that is in those first two lines of this post, but if you haven't, it's the sin of sexual immorality. While my depth of my sin may not be as deep as others it is still a sin against my body (and not just mine but my Wife's too because we are one flesh Gen 2:24) (1 Cor 6:18). I knowingly and willingly allowed myself for years to wander the internet aimlessly with the complete awareness that doing so would lead to something that I really shouldn't do, I willingly searched, scrolled, clicked, and watched the things that I knew in my heart was wrong but continued to do anyway. Even worse, until recently when I was listening to the Marriage After God podcast's episode on Pornography, I did not acknowledge that I loved it (thank you Aaron Smith for pointing that out) because I did, why else would I keep going back to it? I was committing adultery against my wife, and bringing a darkness to our marriage, all because I was selfish and loved the rush and feeling that it brought.
The worst part about it, I wasn't running from it! In fact it was something that I ran to when I was feeling disconnected from my wife, and because of my running to it the disconnect became worse. Sin that we try and hide has a way of doing that, it has a way of making us think that it's only an every now and then thing, that it's something we can run to when we need to cope with whatever bad things are going on in our life at that moment. Yet it is the bad thing that is probably causing the things that we are trying to cope with, it's a choice made (the wrong choice) instead of doing what should be done and that is spending time in God's Word. Instead of filling up on His word, the everlasting truth, time is wasted drinking from a poison well that will only lead to death.
The worst part about it, I thought that I was in control, when in reality it was controlling me. Looking back now after beginning my journey of purity and walking in God's word, I see the lies that I told myself and I am beginning to very clearly see how the addiction damaged me, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Not only did it damage me but it damaged my relationship with my wife, because no matter how much we want to believe that we have the ability to compartmentalize and keep things separate, they always have a way to seep into every part of our lives. Matter of fact it affected my temper and attitude towards my kids, looking back I regret that deeply. The way I was towards my kids at times was and is inexcusable. God entrusted my wife and I with these wonderful blessings, yet I did not treat them as such (my heart is aching typing this because I know just how poorly I was stewarding this blessing).
Yesterday I was searching through the YouVersion app for a verse to post and also keep on my phone to reflect on, it is 1 Timothy 6:11 "But you, Timothy, are a man of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness." Man did that verse hit home! RUN AWAY, RUN FAR AWAY from the evil things, seek righteousness! Praise God that He has been working on my heart, and drawing me closer to His heart. Praise God that His Son has continually pursued my heart even when I have been unresponsive to His love. Because of this love, and His constant pursuit, I have been able to turn tail and run; and the best part is instead of running to something that does not fill my heart, I am running to the One that holds my heart and sacrificed Himself so that I could be set free.
I am sure you figured out exactly what habitual sin that is in those first two lines of this post, but if you haven't, it's the sin of sexual immorality. While my depth of my sin may not be as deep as others it is still a sin against my body (and not just mine but my Wife's too because we are one flesh Gen 2:24) (1 Cor 6:18). I knowingly and willingly allowed myself for years to wander the internet aimlessly with the complete awareness that doing so would lead to something that I really shouldn't do, I willingly searched, scrolled, clicked, and watched the things that I knew in my heart was wrong but continued to do anyway. Even worse, until recently when I was listening to the Marriage After God podcast's episode on Pornography, I did not acknowledge that I loved it (thank you Aaron Smith for pointing that out) because I did, why else would I keep going back to it? I was committing adultery against my wife, and bringing a darkness to our marriage, all because I was selfish and loved the rush and feeling that it brought.
The worst part about it, I wasn't running from it! In fact it was something that I ran to when I was feeling disconnected from my wife, and because of my running to it the disconnect became worse. Sin that we try and hide has a way of doing that, it has a way of making us think that it's only an every now and then thing, that it's something we can run to when we need to cope with whatever bad things are going on in our life at that moment. Yet it is the bad thing that is probably causing the things that we are trying to cope with, it's a choice made (the wrong choice) instead of doing what should be done and that is spending time in God's Word. Instead of filling up on His word, the everlasting truth, time is wasted drinking from a poison well that will only lead to death.
The worst part about it, I thought that I was in control, when in reality it was controlling me. Looking back now after beginning my journey of purity and walking in God's word, I see the lies that I told myself and I am beginning to very clearly see how the addiction damaged me, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Not only did it damage me but it damaged my relationship with my wife, because no matter how much we want to believe that we have the ability to compartmentalize and keep things separate, they always have a way to seep into every part of our lives. Matter of fact it affected my temper and attitude towards my kids, looking back I regret that deeply. The way I was towards my kids at times was and is inexcusable. God entrusted my wife and I with these wonderful blessings, yet I did not treat them as such (my heart is aching typing this because I know just how poorly I was stewarding this blessing).
Yesterday I was searching through the YouVersion app for a verse to post and also keep on my phone to reflect on, it is 1 Timothy 6:11 "But you, Timothy, are a man of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness." Man did that verse hit home! RUN AWAY, RUN FAR AWAY from the evil things, seek righteousness! Praise God that He has been working on my heart, and drawing me closer to His heart. Praise God that His Son has continually pursued my heart even when I have been unresponsive to His love. Because of this love, and His constant pursuit, I have been able to turn tail and run; and the best part is instead of running to something that does not fill my heart, I am running to the One that holds my heart and sacrificed Himself so that I could be set free.
Wednesday, November 6, 2019
My First Blog Post
Hello everyone! This is my first blog post, so I figured I would introduce myself. My name is Travis, I am a Husband, my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have 3 kids that God has truly blessed us with (I will go further into that story in later posts) and I am truly grateful to be their dad. We live in Pennsylvania, but have lived in several other states over the past 15 years, to say that we have had a hard time setting roots would almost be an understatement.
I am a Christian, and like many Christians I have spent a lot of my life struggling trying to figure out exactly what that means, I am learning that it is not the cookie cutter image that we are given when we are growing up. I fell away from reading my Bible for many many years, and because of that I strayed away from the path that I knew I should be walking down (Matthew 7:13-14). This had and has caused a lot of strife in my journey, I allowed myself to become a slave to my addictions, and they ruled my life.
The biggest reason I am starting this blog is to document and share my journey with you, in hopes that it will help you break the chains that have ruled your life, it is not I but God who can lead you to the breaking of the yoke that is a burden. Matter of fact He has already BROKEN that yoke! Galatians 5:24-25 says "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives."
Are you ready to nail your passions and desires of your sinful nature to the cross? I know this is a question I am asking myself quite seriously now, especially since I am putting it down on "paper" for all to see.
I invite you to follow along on this journey with me, and to grow with me as I figure out just exactly what and how I am doing this blog. I pray that God will use this platform to not only grow me spiritually but to also help reach out to those who may be searching just like I am.
I am a Christian, and like many Christians I have spent a lot of my life struggling trying to figure out exactly what that means, I am learning that it is not the cookie cutter image that we are given when we are growing up. I fell away from reading my Bible for many many years, and because of that I strayed away from the path that I knew I should be walking down (Matthew 7:13-14). This had and has caused a lot of strife in my journey, I allowed myself to become a slave to my addictions, and they ruled my life.
The biggest reason I am starting this blog is to document and share my journey with you, in hopes that it will help you break the chains that have ruled your life, it is not I but God who can lead you to the breaking of the yoke that is a burden. Matter of fact He has already BROKEN that yoke! Galatians 5:24-25 says "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives."
Are you ready to nail your passions and desires of your sinful nature to the cross? I know this is a question I am asking myself quite seriously now, especially since I am putting it down on "paper" for all to see.
I invite you to follow along on this journey with me, and to grow with me as I figure out just exactly what and how I am doing this blog. I pray that God will use this platform to not only grow me spiritually but to also help reach out to those who may be searching just like I am.
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